You want a beverage so sumptuous
Decadent, elegant, luxurious
So you open the door, look in the fridge
But your nog expired in ‘96.

Chumps buy it in a box
Just follow these steps like connect the dots
Soon you, too, can drink it on the rocks,
And you’ll be livin’ la vida yolk-a

Put 4 egg yolks in a cup cup cup
Beat them up up up
Sugar on top top top
And then you beat ‘em again

Blend in milk and cream. Yum yum
Nutmeg and rum rum rum
Then you’re done
Let me drink that nog

Keep some in your freezer - dun duh dun duh
Give it to your neighbor - dun duh dun duh
Feed it to a tiny dog.
That nog n-nog nog nog

Take it everywhere you go - dun duh dun duh
If you’re ever running low - uh oh uh oh
You can always make some mo’
That nog n-nog nog nog

You want a beverage so sumptuous
Something to commemorate Festivus?
Well, raise your glass to winter cheer,
And watch that nog inflate your rear

It’s loaded with cholesterol
Enjoy it while you deck the halls
Don’t be a hog; just share the nog
We wish you a merry Christmas

Put 4 egg yolks in a cup cup cup
Beat them up up up
Sugar on top top top
And then you beat ‘em again

Blend in milk and cream. Yum yum
Nutmeg and rum rum rum
Then you’re done
Let me drink that nog

Drink it on safari - dun duh dun duh
Playing your Atari - dun duh dun duh
Drink it while you blow your nose
That nog n-nog nog nog

Drink it in the sandbox - dun duh dun duh
Pour it on your grandma - dun duh dun duh
Now she’s beautiful
That nog n-nog nog nog

Take it scuba diving - dun duh dun duh
Take it horseback riding - dun duh dun duh
Bring it to a booty call
That nog n-nog nog nog

Drink it with your surf n turf - dun duh dun duh
Sitting in the back of church - dun duh dun duh
Drink it playing basketball
That nog n-nog nog nog

You made a beverage so sumptuous
Now Santa looks voluptuous
You are under the influence
You brought home a hippopotamus

You just couldn’t be reasoned with
Now, look at what the hippo did.
Kris Kringle’s blood is on your hands
And eggnog is delicious

Put 4 egg yolks in a cup cup cup
Beat them up up up
Sugar on top top top
And then you beat ‘em again

Blend in milk and cream. Yum yum
Nutmeg and rum rum rum
Then you’re done

(Yeah Baby, that nog)
Use it as a facial cream - dun duh dun duh
Inject it as a vaccine - dun duh dun duh
Serve it in a banquet hall
That nog n-nog nog nog

(Said I like the whey, baby)
Advertise on craigslist - dun duh dun duh
“Man you gotta try this” - dun duh dun duh
“At a designated safe zone”
Drink my nog n-nog nog nog

(Listen, said I like the whey.
I am getting thirsty)
Take in on a skydive - dun duh dun duh
Use it as a parachute - dun duh dun duh
Lobby it to city hall
That nog n-nog nog nog

(I'm drinkin' nog while I trim the tree
I see the tinsel glistening)
It’ll give you kidney stones - dun duh dun duh
I think that it’s worth it though - dun duh dun duh
Drink it ‘til you’re good and full
Of that nog n-nog nog nog